Last night right before bed I found out that someone I know is pregnant. She's a month older than me and already has a daughter who is about 18 months. And here's what really upset me about it... she just took her IUD out last month. And she's pregnant! How can she be pregnant already? I, who have been off birth control for almost a year, have not even come close to getting pregnant. And she just slips on into the Dr's office and has it removed, and tada! Pregnant! Why can't it be that easy for everyone? She said her first daughter was the same. They decided to start trying and 2 weeks later she found out she was pregnant. And it was the first time I really shed tears over someone else's pregnancy. That was definitely new for me. Brian just laid with me in bed until I fell asleep. I think it kind of freaked him out, but maybe he'll start to see just how strongly I feel about it all. I remember when we were in high school and we thought all we would have to do was move past 2nd base and we'd get pregnant. It just seemed inevitable that you have sex ONE time without protection you'd be knocked up. And then we actually started trying and I realized we probably could've not used anything ever and we still would most likely not have a baby. It's HARD! And so frustrating when you know you're doing everything you can and still nothing happens. And to be honest, it's all I think about when were are together. If I position myself like this, will they have a better shot of getting in there? And God forbid it ever be spontaneous and I'm not able to just lay there afterwards for the best possible chance! My mind goes into overload and I start thinking every little thing will make the difference. That's one reason I want to temp. So I can know if it's going to matter anyways. I want to be able to go back to when sex was just that. Not the means to an end. It's too stressful. And I'm tired of everyone around me getting pregnant, and so easily! So now it's my turn. It has to be.
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