Making Progress

So I had my first ever Dr's appointment last Wednesday.  She was really awesome and seemed to really want to help us.  She let me know that she didn't really deal with infertility, but she could help me get into the process.  For now, I'm being tested.  She went through the spheal about what could be wrong and what might be stopping my period from coming and everything.   I had some blood work done on Thursday to test some of my hormone levels and see if the problem lies in any of those.  I hope so, because I think it would be the easiest fix.  And she prescribed me progesterone to get my next period started.  I'm on day 3 of taking 10 pills.  So hopefully I'll get even a spot of blood.  She said that would be enough to consider a period.  And then I can start temping and try to figure out if I'm even ovulating at all.  I hope I am!  The Dr. started throwing around things like PCOS, and hypo or hyperthyroidism, which freaked me out!  I mean, I know what they are and that they are possibilities, but it made me nervous to realize that I was that girl, sitting across from the Dr., trying to get pregnant.  I had always imagined, as I'm sure every women does, that it would just happen.  And now I'm seeing a Dr, and being prescribed medicine, and getting blood work.  And I just never imagined myself here.  Trying.  It's scary.  We're coming up on 10 months of trying, but who knows how much of that was actually doing anything.  I just wish my cycles were at least normal so I could know that I'd have a next try.  It's one thing to ovulate and try and not get pregnant, but it really sucks when there is no guaranteed next time in any sort of close time frame.  Brian and I looked around in a baby store today and he was the most interested that I've ever seen him!  It's hard for him to get excited about things that aren't in the works yet, but I think he's letting himself get there.  He picked things that he liked and wanted to know what I thought about certain things.  But it made me really depressed to see all the pregnant moms and new mom walking around picking out all of their stuff.  I just want my turn...

I hate these days...

So....

Last night right before bed I found out that someone I know is pregnant.  She's a month older than me and already has a daughter who is about 18 months.  And here's what really upset me about it...  she just took her IUD out last month.  And she's pregnant!  How can she be pregnant already?  I, who have been off birth control for almost a year, have not even come close to getting pregnant.  And she just slips on into the Dr's office and has it removed, and tada!  Pregnant!  Why can't it be that easy for everyone?  She said her first daughter was the same.  They decided to start trying and 2 weeks later she found out she was pregnant.  And it was the first time I really shed tears over someone else's pregnancy.  That was definitely new for me.  Brian just laid with me in bed until I fell asleep.  I think it kind of freaked him out, but maybe he'll start to see just how strongly I feel about it all.  I remember when we were in high school and we thought all we would have to do was move past 2nd base and we'd get pregnant.  It just seemed inevitable that you have sex ONE time without protection you'd be knocked up.  And then we actually started trying and I realized we probably could've not used anything ever and we still would most likely not have a baby.  It's HARD!  And so frustrating when you know you're doing everything you can and still nothing happens.  And to be honest, it's all I think about when were are together.  If I position myself like this, will they have a better shot of getting in there?  And God forbid it ever be spontaneous and I'm not able to just lay there afterwards for the best possible chance!  My mind goes into overload and I start thinking every little thing will make the difference.  That's one reason I want to temp.  So I can know if it's going to matter anyways.  I want to be able to go back to when sex was just that.  Not the means to an end.  It's too stressful.  And I'm tired of everyone around me getting pregnant, and so easily! So now it's my turn.  It has to be.