Not much going on

So, I ended my period about 2 weeks ago I think, so now I'm just sitting and waiting.  Me and Brian decided we weren't going to 'try' but just do things normally.  I think it freaked me out knowing when I o'd last time and made me focus too much on it.  I know it was only one time, but I'd rather it not take forever.  Not that anyone goes into it thinking they want to try for 1, 2 even 5 years.  But I'm just tired already of thinking about it.  The further into this we get the less I think about tit though I've noticed.  And not keeping track helps me not think about it.  I just need to relax.  And start eating better.  And work out.  And quit drinking.  Brian has been really good about it.  I don;t think he's had a drink in a few months.  We don't want those sperm killing themselves off.  Everytime we have sex though, when it's over, I'm worried about stuff getting out, or which position should I lay in to get optimal sperm travel to the egg.  And I know it's too early to have O'd, but I think about it even now.  Just practice I guess.  And we've been going wit the every other day approach.  Letting his guys recuperate but making sure it's semi-regular.  I don't have any feelings about how it's gonna go anymore.  Everyone talks about how they feel this is the month, but I don't have  any idea.  There's no intuition there at all.  The girl I work with who is pregnant is getting big enough to see and she's only 10 weeks.  She's having her first U/S on Friday to make sure everything is going good.  I can't wait until that's me.  I was walking around the mall waiting for my wedding ring to get fixed today and I swear every other woman I saw was pregnant.  WTF!  I'd just rather not see all that right now, thank you very much.  But I bet it gets even worse.  :(

Still Waiting

I think I'm very much a beginner at all of this.  I have no idea how my cycle usually works, when I O, or how long form my O my period starts.  I should be starting any day according to how long my cycles usually last.  From when I went off the pill in Feb they've been a pretty consistent 33-38 days apart.  And today is day 36.  I took a test and got the faintest of faint little blue lines that I probably just imagined, but I swear I saw something.  So I went out and bought another test and of course it was negative.  But maybe I O'd late or it took the longest amount of days it could take to implant or something.  I counted and if everything was just a little late I'd only be around  or 7 DPO even though my period is late or a few days away.  But maybe I'm just creating every possible scenerio to be pregnant.  More and more I'm having physical reactions to the thought of not being pregnant.  I just found out a girl that works closely with me is pregnant.  She said she didn't want to tell me because she knows we're trying and that I might be and she was waiting to tell me once she found out I was too.  It could have been months and months that she waited.  I would've found out eventually!  It's true what people say.  Once you are trying or thinking about having a baby, EVERYONE around you gets pregnant or finally has their baby, or you just run into pregnant women on the street everywhere you go.  It's inescapable!  I'm even in prenatal massage right now in school and tonight we have 6 pregnant women coming to do our finals on.  And I have to touch her!  It'll be hard to be massaging someone else's baby in their stomach.  Maybe it'll rub off on me though.  But I still don't know for sure if I am or not.  I guess until my period comes I can still hope.