It's been awhile...

So, I'm gonna try this again.  I'm never very good at keeping up with journals or diaries, and I thought blogging would be so much easier, but it turns out not for me!  I was going over my older blogs, and though I didn't get very far, I had already forgotten some of the things that have happened in these last 7 months.  In my head, we'd been TTC for only a few months, but my first post was in June!  That's 7 months!  And probably about 5 total cycles.  I'm wanting to get more serious about everything now and so I need to really keep up worth this.  Even just for myself to remember later.  I was doing my OPK's at first and I thought that was good enough, but I've learned that it's not actually all that accurate.  My aunt got me Taking Charge of Your Fertility for my birthday, and I'm really loving it.  I'm excited to get started!  So let me start from where I left off.  In October I had this weird 7-8 day spotting a week before my period was supposed to start and I thought it might have been implantation bleeding.  I really had myself convinced that I was pregnant.  So the spotting came and went, I took a test every week for 3 weeks after that, and nothing.  I think I wouldn't have been so upset about it, except I really felt like I was.  Something was happening that had me convinced mentally and physically.  Plus, I've been late, and later, but NEVER early.  And I've never spotted before.  So it was all a little different.  It was a BFN and AF finally came, only this time it was a week later than I usually start.  But it was the same spotting again.  Weird.  I have no idea what's going on with me.  At all.  And that had me freaked out if I could even get pregnant at all.  So now I'm just waiting for it to all start again so I can temp this time and try to figure out what's up.  And I'm definitely ready.  I have a Dr's appt at the end of February, just to get a check up.  I don't plan on mentioning that were trying, but maybe that we're thinking about starting.  I'm not ready to get lumped into the infertility world just yet and I'm worried if she knows it's coming up on 8 months she'll do something different.  I just really want to go and have her tell me I'm healthy and it should be no problem for us to get pregnant. I haven't ben trying long or hard enough to try something else yet..  I'm kind of worried about the temping though.  I'm not really a morning person and sleep is just about more important than anything in the morning.  Even temping.  I can find a way to justify almost everything in the morning. And I might not be that consistent...  So I'm worried it won't work how it's supposed to.  And what if I can't tell the difference between the different stages of CM?  Getting pregnant could take me awhile unless I get lucky.  Which I've never really had much of.  It's all more than I can claim to know or understand.  All I know is I want and need my baby to come along.  I dont know how strong I am and how long I can wait.