Making Progress

I saw my Dr. today for a consult to get on Clomid and it went really well.  She ordered an HSG for me and I scheduled it for this coming Monday.  I work at the facility that does them so I worked it around so that I could get in even though I'll technically be 13 days past my period start and not 10.  Plus me and my husband had a little fun this week, which is not allowed, so I lied and said we didn't.  But I'll still take a pregnancy test Sunday night to be sure.  Plus she upped my Metformin from twice a day to three times a day and around CD 24 I'll be doing an accupuncture session that helps for infertility.  It stimulates ovulation or so they say.  My friend at work that got pregnant is pretty sure that's what did it for her.  or at least helped her along.  I'm a massage therapist so I really believe in all of that.  So I'm feeling really hopeful for this cycle.  I'm hoping that my tubes being opened from the HSG and the accupuncture will result in ovulation and a smooth transport.  It's like the perfect storm for conception.  If it doesn't happen, I'm supposed to call on CD 1 of my next cycle to schedule an ultrasound and start my Clomid.   I really really hope that all of this works.  I have people praying for me like crazy and lot's of support, so I feel really blessed.  My goal is to at least ovulate once!!  That's all I need and with some good timing I just might get pregnant.  :)  It's been a while since I've been hopeful so I feel like that alone is really big for me. Here's to hoping!!

Guess who's pregnant?!

Oh yeah, and it's definitely not me!  There's a new girl at work that I've connected with.  She's been TTC for about 18 active months and just found out she's pregnant this weekend!  I'm really excited for her.  And I really mean really.  :)  Plus it gives me a lot of hope. She has PCOS also, and actually a more severe version of it then me, so if she can get pregnant so can I!

My Dr. put me on Metformin last month and I've gone through a full 40 day cycle on it.  My period came on it's own which was very exciting and I'm feeling hopeful.  I have a consult to get on Clomid this Friday.  I want to go through one more natural cycle just on the Metformin and then try the Clomid, so we're going to work out the timing for whatever last testing they need so I can *hopefully* start next cycle.  I want to make sure that even though the chances are slow I'm not pregnant before we start.

I have high hopes that we get pregnant soon because my OB-Gyn will only do 3 or 4 cycles of the Clomid before they refer me to a fertility specialist and we can't afford what the next step entails.  So it would be just good ole' regular trying after this for at least a year until my husband is teaching full time and we have more baby making funds available.

Wish me luck!!!!!

More info for now

I've been diagnosed, and it's looking like PCOS.  I almost feel relieved just to know something at all.  My testosterone levels were elevated so that's what my doctor thinks it is.  And it makes sense when I look back.  I definitely started gaining weight for no apparent reason about 6 months after I got off the pill, which is about when my hormones would have been doing their own thing, and my cycles became crazy.  So I'm on the journey of finding out more about this and what it'll mean for us.  I started my period about 3 days after I was done with the progesterone and it was the heaviest and longest period I've had in a long time.  And I've started temping.  My temps are lower then the charts go so I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or what that means for me.  But hopefully it'll tell me if I'm ovulating.  I have an appointment  for a follow up scheduled with the Dr. for May, so depending on how this cycle turns out, I think we're going to get this show on the road and officially get proactive about it.  Brian talked to his dad today and let him know what's going on and that we have some decisions to make coming up.  I was so nervous to talk to his parents about it because they weren't the most supportive of us getting married since we were young, so I figured they'd think we were too young for this also, but he really surprised us.  I wasn't there, but from what my husband tells me he was very curious about PCOS and what it meant for our ability to have kids.  He said if it was him he wouldn't waste any time and that they'd help us pay for some of the medical sides of it if that's what's stopping us.  I have health insurance, but I'm still new to the infertility world and I have no idea what it covers.  So that was really awesome.  I feel like we're at least on a road to somewhere, regardless of where it leads.  So pray for us!!!  And cross your fingers that I can lose about 10 pounds in the next little while.....   : (

Making Progress

So I had my first ever Dr's appointment last Wednesday.  She was really awesome and seemed to really want to help us.  She let me know that she didn't really deal with infertility, but she could help me get into the process.  For now, I'm being tested.  She went through the spheal about what could be wrong and what might be stopping my period from coming and everything.   I had some blood work done on Thursday to test some of my hormone levels and see if the problem lies in any of those.  I hope so, because I think it would be the easiest fix.  And she prescribed me progesterone to get my next period started.  I'm on day 3 of taking 10 pills.  So hopefully I'll get even a spot of blood.  She said that would be enough to consider a period.  And then I can start temping and try to figure out if I'm even ovulating at all.  I hope I am!  The Dr. started throwing around things like PCOS, and hypo or hyperthyroidism, which freaked me out!  I mean, I know what they are and that they are possibilities, but it made me nervous to realize that I was that girl, sitting across from the Dr., trying to get pregnant.  I had always imagined, as I'm sure every women does, that it would just happen.  And now I'm seeing a Dr, and being prescribed medicine, and getting blood work.  And I just never imagined myself here.  Trying.  It's scary.  We're coming up on 10 months of trying, but who knows how much of that was actually doing anything.  I just wish my cycles were at least normal so I could know that I'd have a next try.  It's one thing to ovulate and try and not get pregnant, but it really sucks when there is no guaranteed next time in any sort of close time frame.  Brian and I looked around in a baby store today and he was the most interested that I've ever seen him!  It's hard for him to get excited about things that aren't in the works yet, but I think he's letting himself get there.  He picked things that he liked and wanted to know what I thought about certain things.  But it made me really depressed to see all the pregnant moms and new mom walking around picking out all of their stuff.  I just want my turn...

I hate these days...

So....

Last night right before bed I found out that someone I know is pregnant.  She's a month older than me and already has a daughter who is about 18 months.  And here's what really upset me about it...  she just took her IUD out last month.  And she's pregnant!  How can she be pregnant already?  I, who have been off birth control for almost a year, have not even come close to getting pregnant.  And she just slips on into the Dr's office and has it removed, and tada!  Pregnant!  Why can't it be that easy for everyone?  She said her first daughter was the same.  They decided to start trying and 2 weeks later she found out she was pregnant.  And it was the first time I really shed tears over someone else's pregnancy.  That was definitely new for me.  Brian just laid with me in bed until I fell asleep.  I think it kind of freaked him out, but maybe he'll start to see just how strongly I feel about it all.  I remember when we were in high school and we thought all we would have to do was move past 2nd base and we'd get pregnant.  It just seemed inevitable that you have sex ONE time without protection you'd be knocked up.  And then we actually started trying and I realized we probably could've not used anything ever and we still would most likely not have a baby.  It's HARD!  And so frustrating when you know you're doing everything you can and still nothing happens.  And to be honest, it's all I think about when were are together.  If I position myself like this, will they have a better shot of getting in there?  And God forbid it ever be spontaneous and I'm not able to just lay there afterwards for the best possible chance!  My mind goes into overload and I start thinking every little thing will make the difference.  That's one reason I want to temp.  So I can know if it's going to matter anyways.  I want to be able to go back to when sex was just that.  Not the means to an end.  It's too stressful.  And I'm tired of everyone around me getting pregnant, and so easily! So now it's my turn.  It has to be.   

It's been awhile...

So, I'm gonna try this again.  I'm never very good at keeping up with journals or diaries, and I thought blogging would be so much easier, but it turns out not for me!  I was going over my older blogs, and though I didn't get very far, I had already forgotten some of the things that have happened in these last 7 months.  In my head, we'd been TTC for only a few months, but my first post was in June!  That's 7 months!  And probably about 5 total cycles.  I'm wanting to get more serious about everything now and so I need to really keep up worth this.  Even just for myself to remember later.  I was doing my OPK's at first and I thought that was good enough, but I've learned that it's not actually all that accurate.  My aunt got me Taking Charge of Your Fertility for my birthday, and I'm really loving it.  I'm excited to get started!  So let me start from where I left off.  In October I had this weird 7-8 day spotting a week before my period was supposed to start and I thought it might have been implantation bleeding.  I really had myself convinced that I was pregnant.  So the spotting came and went, I took a test every week for 3 weeks after that, and nothing.  I think I wouldn't have been so upset about it, except I really felt like I was.  Something was happening that had me convinced mentally and physically.  Plus, I've been late, and later, but NEVER early.  And I've never spotted before.  So it was all a little different.  It was a BFN and AF finally came, only this time it was a week later than I usually start.  But it was the same spotting again.  Weird.  I have no idea what's going on with me.  At all.  And that had me freaked out if I could even get pregnant at all.  So now I'm just waiting for it to all start again so I can temp this time and try to figure out what's up.  And I'm definitely ready.  I have a Dr's appt at the end of February, just to get a check up.  I don't plan on mentioning that were trying, but maybe that we're thinking about starting.  I'm not ready to get lumped into the infertility world just yet and I'm worried if she knows it's coming up on 8 months she'll do something different.  I just really want to go and have her tell me I'm healthy and it should be no problem for us to get pregnant. I haven't ben trying long or hard enough to try something else yet..  I'm kind of worried about the temping though.  I'm not really a morning person and sleep is just about more important than anything in the morning.  Even temping.  I can find a way to justify almost everything in the morning. And I might not be that consistent...  So I'm worried it won't work how it's supposed to.  And what if I can't tell the difference between the different stages of CM?  Getting pregnant could take me awhile unless I get lucky.  Which I've never really had much of.  It's all more than I can claim to know or understand.  All I know is I want and need my baby to come along.  I dont know how strong I am and how long I can wait.  

Not this time.

So, I thought it might have happened, but it didn't... I had spotting about a week before my period was supposed to start and stomach cramping and low back pain and other things, but I've taken 2 tests since then and they just keep coming up negative. It's only been a week since the spotting stopped, so I'l try again next week. Some friends of mine didn't get their positive until 2 weeks after their spotting. One more try next week and then it's off to another month. When will be our month?